Caesar and the Bonobo
by sanpan
Summary: Beauty and the Beast AU. When his adoptive father is taken prisoner by a bonobo prince, a dashing young chimp takes his place. The scarred bonobo is as terrifying to look upon as he is to live with, but Caesar finds himself seeing more than meets the eye in this Koba. Cue love story and a plotting narcissistic colonel. Caesar/Koba, one-sided!Colonel/Caesar
1. Chapter 1

**Yes, I actually wrote this. This is the AU nobody asked for or wanted, but here it is, and now it exists. This is actually humor/parody/romance, so Caesar/Koba will be endgame in this, with a side of Gaston!Colonel.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the pota trilogy**

* * *

Once upon a time, in the distant and yet not-so-distant future, there was a grand castle deep in a forest of high trees. A bonobo prince lived within, flanked by his most loyal servants. But he was an arrogant ape, one too often blinded by hatred and quick to violence. His servants loved him regardless, but the same could not be said of the visitor he once received.

She was a human beggar and distraught at the idea of a homosapien within his domain, the bonobo prince struck her with his staff and turned her away. In retaliation, the human- a witch- poked his left eye out and set a curse on him and his. From then on, he would live as a scarred ape too terrifying to look upon and his loyal subjects would stay trapped in those woods with him.

There was only one way to break the curse- if another could somehow accept his flaws and fall in love with him regardless.

"Impossible!" the prince had raged, but his opinion didn't matter to the witch.

And so, for the next ten years, the residents of the bonobo castle suffered on.

* * *

Once upon a time, in the same distant and yet not-so-distant future, there was a little town named Muir, bordering on the kingdom of San Fran. The villagers of Muir were a simple little group of humans, chimps, gorillas, and an assortment of other homo-species. Its characters included Tinker the baker chimpanzee, Hunsiker the homosapien pilot, Ursus the silverback librarian, and a cast of other mundane and colorful individuals. But this tale doesn't start with them. Because in every village, there was an odd one out.

For Muir, the Rodman family was its house of black sheep. The grandfather, old Charles, fit in the most. He was a musician and there could never be enough of those. But old Charles had a bout of senility in his elder years and that left his son, William, as the head of house. Will was a scientist, and to the villagers, that was just a special way of calling himself a doctor. If rogue firecrackers, potentially poisonous drugs, or green slime ever hit Muir's roofs, you could bet that the source was Will Rodman. To make things stranger, Will had a son, a _chimp_ he'd raised from birth, and the young ape was as odd as Will himself, if not odder.

The Rodmans had named their chimp "Caesar," a regal name by all accounts. For as long as Will could remember, Caesar preferred to roam about their house and help with his experiments over prancing in the woods and dabbling with his own kind. Maybe it was because of the mixed-species parenting or because he was the only chimp who would rather play chess over climbing trees, or some combination of both. His behavior would have been odd for a Muir human, let alone a Muir chimp.

And the older Caesar grew, the more Will came to wonder if he'd chosen the right name. As his son matured, it became clearer and clearer to Will that Caesar was a rather strapping simian, right down to his soulful green eyes. Maybe too strapping. Because more often than not, the chimp began coming home with crumpled notes hastily stuffed in his pockets. He'd dismiss them as "nothing" but when Will checked, he found an alarming amount of intimate messages scribbled in those notes, ranging from bonobo addresses to mating requests (from all genders, no less). Maybe Will should have named him Apedonis or something.

"No dating until you're eight," Will told him one day.

"I'm nine," had been the answer.

But Will's worries were for naught because there was no ape that could catch Caesar's interest, no matter how pretty the chimp. Then just as Will thought he could stop worrying, he was hit with a whole other sack of worries. Caesar began attracting humans, specifically human men. Malcolm the humble schoolteacher was the first of these suitors and he'd stop by too often for Will's liking. Caesar himself had dismissed his father's worries, but on a sunny spring afternoon, he too had second thoughts.

"There's my favorite ape!" Malcolm said as the chimp left the library, a stack of books in his arms.

"Please, let me help you with that," the man said, Caesar nervously trying to shift out of his way, but Malcom was steadfast in his courtship.

"After this walk, you and I should go to the apple grove," he blabbered, "there are plenty of trees and fruits. We could really get to know each other better."

"Prefer not to."

Before Malcolm could reply, a much stronger bulk of body shoved him away, Caesar's books falling with him. The chimp turned, in time to see his second (and yet most persistent) suitor, Colonel McCullough. In one rough jerk, the colonel had wrapped him in one arm, sunglasses gleaming. And beside the colonel was his steadfast sidekick, Preacher.

"There's my favorite monkey!" he said, commanding and loud.

"Chimpanzee."

"Same thing! I have a proposition for you, Caesar- come with me to the apple grove. This is the time of year it blooms best, you know."

"Malcolm just said that."

"Fuck Malcolm. Who am I?"

"The colonel."

"That's right, and nobody says no to the colonel. No human, no ape, got that?"

"I... have to go."

"Don't regret your choice. You and I, we're alike, Napoleon and Wellington, Romeo and Juliet, and whatnot. You see, I am a prime specimen of the human species, and you? You're the best-looking monkey I've ever seen."

Caesar didn't want to listen on, but Malcolm was standing to the right, Preacher was to the left, and the colonel seemed to be in front and behind him at once. There was no tree in sight, so he was effectively stuck. And he had no choice but to hear the rant that was sure to come. The disturbing rant.

"Every time I see you," the colonel went on, "I think, if only I could tie him up, maybe stick him in a collar, whip him, and make him mine."

Caesar _really_ didn't want to hear this.

"You should be honored to hear this. That's how hard my passion, a man's passion goes. Preacher, tell him."

"Of course, sir!" the young man replied, "nobody's as strong as the colonel, nobody's gunned down as much prey as the colonel, nobody's survived as much as the colonel. You sir, are a model of the human race, the envy of men and the object of women. You're practically the chief of this town!"

By then, a crowd of adoring villagers had gathered by the colonel, more than happy to flaunt his muscles. And seeing the distraction, Caesar quickly gathered his books and scampered away, relieved that Malcolm had also been distracted by that diatribe. Life was like a chessboard and he wasn't sure if he could maneuver out of this one unless the Rodmans fled Muir altogether. But then how would they care for Charles? What of Will's budding relationship with Caroline the nurse? And if, heaven forbid, he did accept the colonel's... proposal, or whatever it was, wouldn't Will be disappointed? But if not, he wouldn't put it past the colonel to blow up their house. And how would he even live with that man?

The idea disgusted him. And still mulling these thoughts over, Caesar came home to see Will on a white horse (and last time he checked, Will couldn't ride a horse).

 _Father, what are you doing?_ he signed, too lazy to talk.

"Don't you remember?" Will said, "I'm going on a business trip. Take care of dad while I'm gone and stay away from the colonel."

Caesar nodded, sure he could manage with Charles, but the colonel was another matter.

"I'll be back in a couple days, it's not far, just a little way into the Red Woods."

"Red Woods... dangerous."

"I'll be fine." Will prodded the horse, gasping as it trotted forward. Calming down, he reached down a hand to stroke Caesar's head. "So anything I can get you on the way back? Coconut milk? Banana cake?"

The chimp thought this over. Will usually brought him a gift after returning from these inventor's conventions- he had more than enough state of liberties and chess sets. He remembered passing by Tinker's bakery once- her roses out front seemed to be wilting.

"One," he said, "red rose."

Will raised a brow. "That's all? Are you sure?"

Caesar nodded. Will smiled, patted his head again, and said, "Okay then. A rose it is."

Then father and son parted, the chimp watching as Will rode into the distance and disappeared into the woods. After the sun set, Caesar went inside the house to fix Charles' dinner. As for Will, the horse could only go so far, and soon the sky was plagued by snow and rain so heavy the man was sure he'd die unless they found shelter. Luckily, or not so luckily, shelter was waiting deep in the heart of the Red Woods- a stone castle covered in moss and guarded with gargoyles.

"Let's go in," Will told the horse.

And thus, the tale begins.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading this piece of crack! Hope it was somewhat entertaining!**

 **Some key members of the cast are missing, but that's only so they can be the bonobo prince's (hmm, I wonder who that could be) talking furniture.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I actually wanted this to be a long one-shot, but I think it works better as chapters so now I'm writing this part by part. Thanks for the interest and patience! Hope the story continues to be fun.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own pota**

* * *

Will and his trusty steed (as trusty as a horse could be, given the fact that Will had never ridden one before, and truth be told, he hated horses) made their way past the old castle's rusting gates. Will, being a scientist, was no stranger to clues of danger, and everything about the area screamed DANGER in capital letters. For one, the garden was filled with rotting thorns, the walls looked like they were stained with dried blood, and the increasingly ugly statues seemed to be alive. It was a very haunted vibe overall.

But it was risking the haunted castle or dying out in the blizzard. Coincidentally, perhaps too coincidentally, a fire glowed in the distance. Lured by its warmth, Will followed the sight into a conveniently open barn. Holding his jacket closer, he tethered the horse and sat by the fire.

"Hello?" he said. Only shadows responded. Creepy!

But as a man of science, Will didn't believe in ghosts or the like. He was sure there was a perfectly logical explanation for all this. So he shrugged and decided to wait the night out. Some hours later, his rumbling stomach woke him up. He'd already trespassed and entered the owner's barn, so it wouldn't hurt to actually greet his host. Mind made up, Will poked his head outside the barn, pleased that the snow was letting up.

He saw another flickering fire in the distance, looking suspiciously like house lights. It was all too convenient, like a trap. But Will was smart. And smart people didn't fall for traps, of course. So he went straight into the castle.

To Will's surprise, the castle was nowhere near as creepy as he expected. There was dust here and there, and it could certainly use a makeover, but it gave off the vibe that people were still living within. He was put off by the amount of taxidermy bears and wolves lying about, though. There was also the sight of spears jabbed into cracked walls, as if whoever lived here had a terrible temper. Probably violent too.

And while he was thinking these thoughts, Will could have sworn he saw something move in the corner. It must have been a trick of the eyes. This was when Will came across a table decked out in food, again conveniently placed. Wine, fruit, bread, and meat lay sloppily prepared on several dishes, as if whoever cooked didn't have flexible arms. He opted for taking a few bites and paying the host back later. Will was usually a smart man, but the cold was getting to him, and at the moment, every bad decision felt like a good one.

He sipped the wine first before taking his fill of the meal. Then he noticed a teapot and cup. Had that been there before? He picked up the pot and stared at the cup, clean and porcelain. And then the cup blinked back, revealing a set of large blue eyes.

The only logical explanation was that this place was haunted.

"What the hell!?" he sputtered, before dropping the cup. The pot's snout caught the cup immediately. That was it. Will was out of there.

After finding his way back to the barn, Will untied his horse, hopped on, and rode away. And just as he passed the garden, a budding red rose caught his eye. He chose that moment to remember Caesar's request. In a panic and witless, Will plucked it out and tucked it into his pocket. That was when the gates slammed on him. Will fell back, plunging into the snow as the horse showed its complete lack of loyalty and galloped off.

 _I hate horses_ , was his last thought before passing out.

* * *

" _Up_."

The voice was deep and raspy. And very angry. Will shivered, eyes slowly opening to near darkness.

"Human, up!" the voice barked. A furred hand grasped Will's collar and yanked him forward. Shaken back into his senses, Will stared at what could only be described as the most horrifying thing he'd ever seen. An ape glowered at him, sharp teeth bared to the gum and face crossed with scars. One eye was completely blank, and the other radiated pure unadulterated hatred. This was only made worse by the torch his captor was holding.

Then Will was thrust back to the ground. It occurred to him that the ape was a bonobo, but that knowledge wasn't exactly helpful at the moment. He raised an arm to defend himself when the other lifted a fist. But the bonobo stopped himself last minute.

"No. Death. Too good for you," the ape hissed.

Well, that was reassuring. The man sat up, unsure what to say.

"Servant gave human shelter, food, fire," the bonobo continued, growing more agitated at each word, "and you steal."

"I can pay you back-"

The ape kicked him before he could finish that thought and snatched the rose from his pocket.

"Hey!"

The rose was crushed. Satisfied, that bonobo turned back to him and said, "You will pay. You stay in _Koba's_ cage now."

The bonobo grinned, twisted features made even worse. "Koba hate humans."

Will gulped. So his name was Koba, and he spoke in third person. Now, _that_ was a bad sign.

* * *

A couple days turned into a couple weeks, and Caesar was truly beginning to wonder if Will ever intended on coming home. Caroline had been worried sick and it was getting harder to placate Charles with reassurances. Even playing with rubiks cubes couldn't distract the chimp from his worries. He'd told Tinker that he was concerned over his father's well being, but her answer had been an unreassuring, _he's alive probably_. He'd told Malcolm too and the answer had been even less helpful: "If your father dies, I promise, I will take care of you."

He'd been so desperate that he even told the colonel when the man stopped by to gift his "favorite monkey" with ripe bananas. The colonel had completely ignored him and broken into another spew about what an amazing commander he was and how chiseled his chin was, and how Caesar was clearly just playing hard to get in front of humanity's finest specimen. It was overall unhelpful and it took him an hour to get rid of the colonel, mostly because Preacher had gotten jealous and dragged the colonel off.

That left his gorilla friend, Buck, who, like Malcolm, also enjoyed popping by the Rodman house for no good reason. Well, Buck had a reason. He was the first ape Will had introduced Caesar to and his first childhood friend. Buck had been one of the best friends a chimp could ask for, that is until the awkward day when they were both seven years old and Buck forwardly asked him if he wanted to have babies together. The gorilla had believed the Rodman chimp was a female from day one, and for some reason Caesar couldn't quite fathom, he knew Buck _still_ thought that.

 _Caesar_ , he'd sign at himself, _male._

 _But_ , Buck would sign back, _Caesar so pretty_.

They had that conversation at least a hundred times over the past three years. So after that initial conversation passed, Caesar poured his woes onto Buck.

 _Father's been gone too long,_ he signed, _I'm worried. What if he's hurt? Dead? How would I know?_

Buck blinked. Annoyed, Caesar prodded him. _What does Buck think?_ he asked.

"Um..." Buck was honestly just thinking about why the chimp was so pretty. He hadn't been looking at Caesar's gestures at all. Suspecting as much, Caesar groaned and settled on a decision. _Buck,_ he signed, _if anyone asks where I went, say I went for father. Going to Red Woods_.

 _Come with you_ , Buck replied.

 _No. Look after grandfather._

 _Promise._

 _And don't tell him I'm having your babies. I'm not._

Buck hesitated. _Fine_ , he promised.

Charles' caretaker settled, Caesar adjusted the collar of his sweater and marched off towards the Red Woods. He was glad he did so too because he heard the colonel's obnoxious voice approach their house.

* * *

After a period of hopeless lost wandering, Caesar came across a familiar white horse, the very one that Will had taken on his trip. Letting out a hoot of surprise, he touched its face. The horse looked like it was hopelessly lost as well. "Where's Will?" he asked.

The horse didn't look like it wanted to go back for Will, but that was lost on Caesar. "Take me to him." The horse shook its head. Caesar grabbed its reigns and said, low into the steed's ear, "Take. Me." _Or else_ , was the hidden threat.

The poor horse complied and soon, the two were back on the grounds of the haunted castle. It was a fascinating sight, but Caesar knew he didn't have time to admire the architecture. He tethered the horse by the gate and wandered towards the entrance, which was conveniently open. Will must have been inside, but Caesar had no way of knowing where exactly his father was. He decided to wing it.

Following the dim traces of Will's scent, the chimp blindly made his way past the molding halls, animal skins, and dark paintings, until he found a passage into the basement. Instinct told him Will was down there. Instinct and an ape's aggressive screeches. Whoever it was had issues. And Caesar hoped Will wasn't one of those issues. Frowning, he got on all fours and rushed down.

He was met with several torches hanging by the ceiling, the lighting terribly unflattering. Will was in a cage, huddled in his jacket and pale with cold. Whoever else had been with him was gone. Panicking, Caesar rushed over and shook the bars. Will moaned. He had a black eye.

"Father!"

Will looked up in disbelief, then dragged himself over. He touched foreheads with the chimp over the bars. "It's you? Caesar, that you- it's been years-"

"Two weeks."

"Feels like years." Will coughed. "Listen, you have to go."

"Free you first." The chimp began sizing up the cage, mind spinning as he thought of a way to free the man inside. Will didn't look good, and he knew that any longer spent in this damp, dark dungeon would kill him.

"Caesar, listen!" Will hissed, "Koba, he's dangerous, go before he gets back-"

Who was Koba? Before Caesar could ask, he felt a gruff hand grab the back of his neck and he was roughly spun around. Then he came face to face with what had to be one of the most unflattering individuals he'd ever seen. Maybe it was just the bad lighting. Regardless, Caesar put two and two together- this mess of scars and anger was Koba.

"Who are you!?" the ape demanded, voice echoing all around.

" _His_ son," the chimp growled back, placing himself in front of the cage. Like hell he was going to let _Koba_ hurt Will more.

The bonobo seemed genuinely confused for a moment. "How?" he blurted, "human made love to ape, what the-?"

"Adopted!" Will cried, "he's adopted. _No love-making_."

Koba growled at him. "Not asking you, human!"

He turned back to Caesar and soon the two were hissing and baring teeth at each other, equally prepared to tear the other apart.

"Let him go," the chimp commanded.

"No. Koba's home. Thief stays!"

"Father not thief!"

Koba shoved him back and Caesar hit the bars with a grunt. He turned to Will, only to see the man sigh. _He's right_ , Will signed, _I stole_. Dumbfounded, the chimp asked, "What did-"

"This." Koba kicked the damaged rose towards him. But why would Will steal a rose? Then Caesar remembered. Internally groaning, he placed himself on his knees. He hadn't even remembered asking for the flower. Tinker had long since replaced her roses, rendering the rose even more irrelevant. And Will had risked his life over something so trivial. He hadn't felt this guilty since the time he peed on Charles' music sheets- granted, he'd been a year old.

He looked up at Koba, who had somehow become even less easy on the eyes from this angle. "My fault," he said shakily, "let him go."

Caesar lifted a hand, palm up. "I stay."

It took Koba and Will to register what he was saying. Will was the first to break out in disapproval: "What are you saying!? Caesar, no! I forbid it! No-"

The bonobo, on the other hand, only looked back at Caesar. Those green eyes seemed earnest enough. And he hadn't been planning on doing anything besides torturing the human to death. But this chimp- he didn't dare think too much- but maybe, just maybe- this was what he needed.

Koba ran his fingers over the chimp's palm. "You stay."

While the human continued to protest, Koba unlocked the cage and threw the man over his shoulders. Will was too weak to fight him as Koba began carrying him up the stairs. Between coughs and cries for Caesar, Will's voice was strained to a rasp. And Caesar could only stand and watch them leave. His father free and gone, he had nothing to do but wait.

He wondered if the bonobo intended to keep him in a cage too. Maybe stick him in a lady iron. Maybe Koba would kill and stuff him like those animals upstairs. Caesar shuddered. All those options were unappealing, but he supposed it was a sacrifice he'd undertaken willingly. Tinker had always criticized his martyr complex, but he hadn't actually _believed_ her. Maybe she had a point after all.

And just when he'd resigned himself to a premature life, someone entered the basement. Or rather, something. A grandfather clock was making its way down the stairs. A grandfather clock. Caesar blinked and shook his head to make sure he hadn't inhaled questionable air. No, a grandfather clock with limbs was actually walking towards him. He stepped back as it came into touching distance.

The newcomer towered over him and had a face as large as four. The clock itself was the color of mud and orange, but something in that flat face told him this clock meant no harm. Its wooden hands began signing, _I am Maurice_.

Caesar kept staring, feeling dumber by the second.

 _Come with me_ , Maurice continued, _upstairs. I won't hurt you._

The clock turned and began the trek up the stairs. Slowly, but surely, Caesar followed. For some reason, he trusted this living clock. Maybe because it reminded him of Charles or maybe because it wasn't Koba, and that was good enough.

* * *

 **I guess we could say the plot's officially starting now! I think two or three more chapters should take us to the end.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I planned to update a lot earlier than this, but didn't have the time! Thank you all for the interest- I wasn't sure if anyone besides me would find this entertaining, so every review is great to see! This is dedicated to everyone who encouraged me to continue this little piece of crack.**

 **Bob: Yes, most of the apes wear clothes in this (similar to what Cornelius and Zira wore in the original pota). And we'll find out who the teapot and cup are in this chapter**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own pota**

* * *

The walking grandfather clock, or rather, Maurice had lead him into a pleasant and surprisingly clean room, though they had to climb several flights of stairs, coming up from the basement. Honestly, Caesar had expected more dust. He'd also expected Koba to turn into a bat and attack him from the ceiling. But neither had happened, and Maurice was kind enough to inform him Will had indeed made it out alive.

 _"I'm sorry it's not much,"_ Maurice signed, _"we don't have guests."_

 _"It's fine,"_ Caesar replied, _"I live in an attic."_

Maurice didn't quite know how to respond to that. Fortunately, he didn't have to, because at that moment a grey teapot bounced up to them, a cloud of steam curling from its snout.

 _"This is Cornelia,"_ the grandfather clock informed Caesar, _"the housekeeper."_

Two teacups bounced up beside the pot, one with a set of blue eyes and the other much smaller in size. _"And her sons, Blue Eyes, Cornelius."_

 _"Hello,"_ Cornelia spelled out with her steam, _"oh, you really are handsome."_

Blue Eyes rolled his eyes. In his opinion, Caesar was only OK, a solid 6/10, and that was being generous. Caesar could tell the teacup was judging him, like some kind of rebellious son. He looked to Cornelia again and said, "You're beautiful."

And he wasn't just saying it to be polite- she did have a set of intricate patterns on her porcelain. To his amusement, the teapot turned a shade of pink before puffing _thank you_. He wondered what kind of ape Cornelia was. Before he realized he was literally flirting with a teapot, a wide candelabra with a set of particularly muscular candles entered the room, deepset eyes sizing him up and down.

 _"You,"_ it signed with one of its arms, _"you're the new guy?"_

 _"This is Rocket,"_ Maurice signed, _"forgive him. He's... brash."_

Rocket proceeded to ignore Maurice and stalk around Caesar. The chimp knew this was a piece of table decoration, but found Rocket intimidating nonetheless (well, not as much as Koba but the point stands). Candle arms began poking him left and right.

 _"Can't believe Koba's keeping you. Is your butt tight?"_

"What?" Caesar said.

 _"What else are you good for? Besides butt sex. Pretty males are the most useless."_

"What-"

Then Rocket was staring him up in the face, candle arms ready to punch him then and there. _"We'll see how pretty you are after this!"_

 _"Rocket, leave him alone!"_ Cornelia puffed.

Cornelius and Blue Eyes began hopping up and down, as if enthusiastically crying "fight! fight! fight!" But the excitement was cut short when the wardrobe in the corner opened one of its doors and sent Rocket flying onto the bed. The wardrobe looked to Caesar and simply said, or rather, signed with the sleeves inside itself: " _Luca_."

"Caesar," the chimp said, pointing at himself, still trying to make sure this wasn't all some fever dream.

 _"Then we'll let you get settled, Caesar,"_ Maurice signed, _"please ring for staff if you need anything. And don't go into the West Wing."_

The furniture filed out of the room, Rocket stopping to cast Caesar a rather bullying glare. Cornelia blushed once more and Blue Eyes again gave him that passive aggressive judgmental look ("What am I, your father?" Caesar wanted to ask in retaliation but bit his tongue). And when they were all gone, the chimp noticed he had nothing to do. It would be a very boring rest of the day after all that.

* * *

Caesar took back all his complaints about being bored. Because after sundown, Rocket had showed up and quite literally kicked him out of the room. The beating would have gone on if Maurice hadn't shown up and taken over. And now Caesar sat across from Koba at the other end of a stupidly long table, a bowl of _something_ in front of him. Across, Koba was tearing into a turkey leg, chomping all over sauce and grease.

It was awkward, to say the least. And Caesar was still entire unsure what kind of plans Koba had for him. Rocket's inappropriate comments did little to help. Noticing his blank stare, Koba flicked the bone of his meat on the floor and glowered with his one good eye. "Why Caesar not eating?" he growled.

"What is this?" the chimp asked, pointing at whatever it was in his bowl.

"Koba's food, not good enough?" Koba asked dryly, a dark edge to his tone.

That shut Caesar up. He picked up the bowl (because there was no spoon) and took a sip- it was some kind of squash soup. Then, after a beat of silence, he said, "It's good. Thank you."

Koba said nothing. All he did was take another turkey leg and viciously bite into it again. Except this time, he never broke eye contact with Caesar, as if trying to imply the chimpanzee was next on the menu.

"Koba," Caesar said, venturing to make conversation, "how long have you lived here?"

Koba shrugged.

"Never been to Koba's castle," the chimp continued, "it's-" he struggled for the right word, "interesting."

Koba kept eating, and Caesar almost drowned in the awkwardness. What else was there to ask?

"Eye," he said, "what happened?"

Koba froze. " _Nothing._ "

"Looks bad. Who hurt you?"

Caesar found it hard to believe Koba was born looking so... _Koba_. Those scars had to have come from somewhere, and he was pretty sure the scars weren't just physical.

"Humans!" Koba spat, "long time ago. Hate humans. But you-"

He tossed another bone. "You love humans." His nostrils flared.

"Only," Caesar said, now feeling the need to defend himself, "good humans."

"No good human!" Koba snarled, slapping his own plate halfway across the table, splats of mash hitting Caesar in the face. Then Koba was on the table, panting and hooting as he crawled the surface length. "Never say that!"

Caesar had a reply, but it was cut short when Koba's arm whacked the bowl of soup over the edge, sloppy liquid dampening his clothes.

"You, ape! Me, ape!" Koba stated, "no love for humans!"

Caesar honestly wanted to say something along the lines of, _oh wow, we're apes, oh wow, I never knew that! Thank you for telling me- no shit, Koba, you deranged shit_. But that would have been out of character for him, so he said, calm as he could, "No love for humans."

 _"Caesar understands,"_ he signed, _"I'm sorry, Koba. Excuse me?"_

Caesar held up a shaky palm. Koba swiped and went back to his seat, looking more demon than ape. Without wasting another second, Caesar left the table, almost bumping into Maurice on the way.

* * *

Still reeling from Koba's outburst, Caesar had completely forgotten the dangers of the rest of the castle. Its master was the most threatening thing around and anywhere he could hide was a welcome sanctuary. Like Will, Caesar was normally a very smart individual. But at the moment, he was so disoriented with everything that'd happened- talking furniture, the judgmental teacups, getting beat up by a candlestick, Koba's assaults- that he ignored Maurice's warning and entered the west wing.

Of course, Caesar didn't know it was the west wing. It looked like the east to him. Everything looked like a wing when you lived in an attic.

He found himself in what appeared to be an abandoned hall, tangled with vines and dust. Everything was dirty, damp, and grey. He considered lighting a fire, but that involved finding a fireplace. So he walked on.

"New friend!" a voice said.

Caesar almost tripped over a branch. A cartography book all but flew up to him.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I steward!" the book said, eyes delighted, "Bad Ape!"

"Pardon _!?_ "

"Bad ape, my name!"

"Caesar," the chimp said, surprised at how unsurprised he was to be talking to a book, "Bad Ape, where is this?"

"West Wing!"

Caesar could have sworn that information was important, but it slipped his mind at the moment. He pursed his lips and turned, only to actually trip this time. When he got up, a feather duster was cleaning his shoulders.

"That's Lake, a friend!" Bad Ape said.

 _Are you Koba's lover?_ Lake signed.

Caesar felt his brow furrow. And suddenly furious, he clenched his fists and said through grating teeth, "No. Never."

Bad Ape and Lake exchanged glances, as if disappointed that Caesar wasn't madly in love with the violent captor he knew for one day. All this only told the chimp something more was at work in the castle, and he would find out _what_. He stalked away, forging a path through all the debris and trash until he came to the source of a glow, which to his irritation, wasn't a fire.

"Friend, don't go there!" the book was shouting behind him, "bad!"

"Everything, bad," Caesar said in return.

He found himself in front of a glass jar and inside, what appeared to be a single rose. It was glowing, which meant it was probably toxic. He didn't particularly like Koba, but Caesar didn't have it in him to let everyone in the castle die of radiation poisoning. Before he could lay a finger on the jar, something slammed into him and he was flat on his back.

Koba glared down at him, frantic and almost frothing, as if Caesar had just attempted to murder him.

"Who let you in!?" the bonobo screeched.

"Not me!" Bad Ape was quick to say.

"We told you!" Koba continued, "do not go into West Wing! You don't obey!"

Caesar crawled to his feet, Koba dragging him up by the collar and raging like a wild animal.

"Why you here!?"

"Why are _you_ here?" Caesar retorted.

Koba threw him towards a pile of wood, and if Caesar hadn't rolled away in time, he was sure his brain would be splattered on the ground. Before Koba could reach for him again, Caesar pushed past the bonobo and galloped away on all fours. Enough was enough! The adrenaline pushed him to think and all logic told him to leave now while Koba was distracted. He heard Koba run after him, but he didn't care.

 _"Where are you going?"_ Maurice signed when Caesar ran past.

 _"Home,"_ he replied. Home before Koba murdered him then and there.

 _But-_ the entire staff seemed to say. Caesar ignored all of them.

* * *

On second thought, maybe running away so hastily into a snowy forest wasn't the best plan Caesar ever had. He made his way through the dark, shivering and huffing as he wondered what to do next. First, he'd have to find the right direction. Then return to Muir. But a little voice was nagging at the back of his head, telling him that he'd abandoned the castle before finding the root of its problems. Surely, everyone there hadn't always been furniture.

That wasn't his problem. Caesar walked on. But what if it was? Maybe they'd never have another "visitor" again. What about Cornelia and her children? Could he really leave them to rot and be forgotten? As he debated these questions, a noise stopped him in his tracks. A pair of glowing eyes stood in front of him- a bear.

Caesar turned to run, felt the bear's claws rip into one sleeve, and slid into the snow. The bear's weight was upon him, its breath along his neck and teeth bared wide. Just when his life began flashing before his eyes- and unfortunately, many of these flashbacks involved the colonel throwing bananas at him- the bear cried out in pain. It bucked off him and stood to face the newcomer.

Caesar recognized that scarred face- Koba.

A spear was lodged in the bear's side. Koba got on all fours, he and the bear circling one another with snarls and growls, each competing to see who was meanest. Caesar heard himself gasp when the two suddenly clashed, rolling in the snow as they bit and scratched. He watched in horror as Koba literally sank his teeth into the bear's neck. In turn, the bonobo was slammed in the head and sent crashing three feet away. As the bear struggled with its wounds, Koba regained his sense and dashed back into the fight.

They rumbled through broken branches and cracking snow again, tearing at each other's throats. Koba hissed when a set of claws slashed across his arm, fresh blood slapping onto the ground. And in a rage, he tackled the bear's side and pushed the spear clean in. The bear fell with another cry, the snow turning pink under it. Koba crawled out from under his opponent, stood, swayed, and hit the ice.

Caesar blinked. That had all taken place within a matter of seconds. Feeling his own heart pound, he approached on stiff legs. The bear was a goner, that he was sure of. He looked down at Koba. The bonobo was breathing by all accounts and the blood loss was slow. Caesar dropped down and looked at his face, twisted into a bloodied grimace.

"Koba," he said, "Koba!"

But the bonobo was out. And that little voice came back. If Koba had followed him out, he'd be able to make his escape. Koba was in no condition to chase him. But if he did that, Koba would die out here. And even if Koba had pursued him, the bonobo had saved his life. _Koba had saved his life_. This much was true, and a part of Caesar felt oddly moved by the gesture, that maybe under it all, Koba was a good ape after all.

But it didn't matter if Koba was good or not. He'd saved Caesar. And that meant the chimp would return the favor. Without a second thought, Caesar bent and put the bonobo's arm over his shoulder. After he managed to get Koba onto his back, Caesar began trekking towards the castle.

* * *

The truth was Koba's staff knew their master was not particularly likable, and still, they'd put all their hopes in that handsome chimp. But the bonobo had frightened Caesar away and just when they were all so sure all was lost, Caesar returned with Koba in tow. The chimp had stormed into the castle with a ferocity that almost convinced them _he_ was the new alpha. Even Rocket had been silenced by his new demeanor.

The servants also learned that Caesar really was more than a pretty face. Under his orders, they cleaned their master's wounds, set him in bed, and watched Caesar bandage him up in a few quick snips. And when all was done, Maurice lit a fire in the bedroom while Caesar calmed Koba's fever with a damp towel.

 _"You came back,"_ Cornelia puffed, _"why?"_

"He saved me," Caesar said, "I can't leave him." Followed by, "ape not kill ape."

Then the chimp looked to the gathered servants and asked, _"Why don't you leave him? Does he treat you well?"_

They all looked to each other, a mutual awkwardness in their eyes.

"Koba mad," Bad Ape said, "seems bad. But not always."

 _"He's been through much,"_ Lake added, _"used to be a prince. His family was at war with humans. He lost much."_

 _"He used to be good to us,"_ Maurice signed, _"before the curse."_

Caesar had a hunch he knew what was happening. That war had taken place long ago- then that meant... how old was everyone here? Had they simply been stuck here, trapped in time? But the word "curse" made him tilt his head.

 _"A human woman needed help,"_ Rocket answered, _"Koba cast her out. She cursed him, cursed us."_

"His eye," Caesar concluded. Then he scratched his ear. "But why curse you?"

The servants collectively rolled their eyes, even the teacups.

 _"Don't know,"_ Rocket signed, _"I think she was just a bitch."_

OK. Well, now Caesar knew the root of his problems and he wasn't sure if all the science in the world could save them. And still, he found himself feeling waves of sympathy for the castle's little tribe, Koba included. _"The curse, how do we lift it?"_

Another awkward silence, as if nobody was willing to say anything. Only Cornelius hopped up to him, trying in vain to communicate- the little teacup was blowing kisses into the air. Caesar had no idea what that meant.

* * *

Koba awoke, mind disoriented and foggy. He was aware of the soft sheets first. Then the warmth. And finally, a sharp jab of pain. He hissed aloud, eyes flying to the bandages around his arm. It came back to him- Caesar in the west wing, the damned chimpanzee running off, and the fight with the bear.

"How do you feel?" a familiar voice asked, much smoother than Koba's own.

The bonobo looked up, jaw slack at the realization that not only had Caesar not escaped, he'd stayed. _Because I saved him_ , he rationalized. As if Caesar would have stayed otherwise. So Koba shot him a glare and said, "fine."

He lifted the limb and pointed at the gauze. "Who?"

Caesar pointed at himself, looking rather done with Koba's antics. That pissed the bonobo off even more. "Why?"

"Only I have opposable thumbs," the chimp said matter-of-factly.

Koba had nothing to say to that.

"Fine now," the bonobo said, "go to your room."

"No!"

"What-"

"You heard me," Caesar growled, " _no_."

And then it was Caesar towering over him, the fire in his green eyes thoroughly shutting Koba up. "I stay here until you're better. Now eat." On cue, Maurice and Cornelia dropped a tray into Caesar's waiting hands, a bowl of familiar soup and water.

Caesar placed the tray on his lap and held up a spoon of all things. It was as if their positions had been reversed. Koba opened his mouth to protest, only for Caesar to stick the spoon in.

"And," the chimp said, "thank you."

He removed the spoon. Koba swallowed the soup, trying to glare daggers at the chimp. When Caesar returned it, the bonobo, to his utter surprise, felt his own heart skip a beat, whatever that meant. He hadn't cared for this Caesar at first; the chimp smelled of human all over and had been nothing but a submissive pushover, an annoying but ideal prisoner. And now, seeing his defiance, the way he commanded the servants and himself, Koba felt something new- Caesar was _strong_ and as loathe as he was to admit it, Koba was suddenly drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

"Caesar weak," Koba whispered to himself, "Koba weaker."

The chimp didn't hear him, but something changed between them that night, and that was enough for both.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and being patient with me! Hope this chapter was fun!**

 **Next time, we'll see what everyone at Muir is up to and what happens now that Caesar and Koba don't hate each other anymore.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own the pota movies**

 **Bob: Blue Eyes doesn't consider himself handsome and he looks a little like Caesar in ape form, so he's projecting his low self-esteem onto Caesar (hence why he doesn't understand what's so great about Caesar haha).**

* * *

In the days that followed Koba's recovery, Caesar came to learn that the bonobo was nowhere near as bad as he first seemed. Cranky, maybe, annoying certainly, and bad-tempered, but under all of it, he was just another ape. The Koba who pouted in bed was a far cry from the monster who first threatened Will. And maybe it was the radioactive flowers getting to him, or maybe it was the long period of isolation with no company except furniture, but either way, Caesar found that he was getting used to life at the castle.

He was usually tending Koba (which usually ended in arguments, with both apes trying to assert dominance- that proved a hard feat since the bonobo was stuck in a bed with fluffy pillows, and the chimp spent most of his time in an apron being fawned over by a teapot). Once the bonobo was settled, Caesar would leave in a huff and either strike up conversation with one of the staff or do some cleaning of his own. Since Will and Caroline did everything back home, Caesar admitted he was rather unskilled when it came to household chores- might as well start here where he'd be praised regardless, if only because he had workable thumbs.

Then he'd round out the nights with a trip to the west wing and read whatever book Bad Ape had picked out for him before heading off to bed. According to Maurice, it had been a long time since anyone had read anything at the castle, and it was always pleasant to hear a voice. So Caesar sat there every evening, reading a textbook on taxidermy to a bunch of former apes.

 _"Maybe Caesar should try reading to Koba,"_ had been Maurice's bright suggestion one such night.

"Koba hates Caesar," was the chimp's dismissive reply.

 _"That's not true!"_ Cornelia huffed, Blue Eyes and Cornelius nodding along.

 _"Koba never lets any of us speak to him like you do,"_ Lake signed.

 _"Koba's distant,"_ Luca added, _"but he lets you in."_

 _"In? Koba just wants to get in you."_ That had been Rocket's bad joke. Or maybe the candelabra wasn't joking- Caesar could never be sure with him.

"Koba likes friend very much!" Bad Ape said.

None of the staff agreed with Caesar's very scientific observation that Koba hated his guts, so he packed up his courage, and did as Maurice told him. He'd grabbed a random book, _Calvin_ _the Curious Chimp_ , of all things, and walked into Koba's room without much warning.

"Read to you?" the chimp asked at the doorway.

Koba tilted his head, not quite understanding. They stared awkwardly at each other for several seconds before the bonobo grunted, "Fine."

Caesar sat down beside him, Koba shifting to make room, and started reading. Koba made no comment throughout the whole session, and Caesar could only hear himself and the fire. But he didn't feel any animosity, at least. And when he finished, Koba was the one that closed the book for him, the bonobo's hand pressed against his own, uncharacteristically gentle.

"Caesar, good reader," Koba said lazily, "good voice."

"Thank you."

"This. Koba's favorite."

"Really?" Caesar asked, shocked. A book about a human-raised chimp shouldn't have been on Koba's favorites, assuming he even read. "Why?"

"Hm. Long time ago, nurse read to me. Was happy."

"Koba, happy now?"

There was another awkward pause, both of them staring at each other. And for the first time, Caesar caught a familiar look on Koba's face, not unlike the one Buck or Malcolm usually made at him, but this was something more, a little deeper, a little stranger- maybe because this was the first time Caesar found himself looking back.

"Come again?" Koba said at last, "read to me again, tomorrow?"

"Alright." And Caesar did just that.

* * *

The snow fell over castle grounds in heavy clumps, effectively blocking off any path in. Koba observed this from the highest window, a little annoyed- his arm was mostly healed by now, and he'd be lying if he didn't admit that he was itching to get some exercise after all that time in a stuffy bed. He was an ape, after all. But it seemed that he'd have no choice but to wander on the inside. Again.

Caesar and the others were equally cooped, but Koba saw no signs of irritation in them. In fact, that chimp seemed to positively glow these days. He no longer feared the castle and sometimes acted like he owned the place. And Caesar's popularity with the servants had done nothing but boost his ego, Koba was sure. The bonobo had half a mind to put the chimp in his place, but every time he caught sight of those green eyes and that handsome smile, he just couldn't. It was as if some part of him wanted to keep Caesar pleased. And it didn't help that Koba always felt this strange twinge of... _something_ whenever he saw Cornelia follow Caesar around.

Sure, she was a teapot, but she as a pretty teapot. And the chimp obviously enjoyed her company even more than the other furniture. It annoyed Koba for some reason. Which was completely stupid. Because he didn't feel a thing for that chimpanzee anyway. And that was why he found himself leaving the castle and strolling around the snowy gardens where Caesar was also wandering. To show how much Koba _didn't_ care.

At the moment, Caesar was knee deep in snow and bundled in some dusty coat he grabbed from Luca, piling a snow-ape while Cornelius looked on in glee. The sun was glistening just right on the chimp's stupidly perfect fur and shining just enough on his annoyingly pretty eyes. And he looked absolutely disgustingly adorable while he played with the baby teacup. Terrible.

In fact, it sickened Koba so much that he looked away, about to go brood in the shadows or something, when a snowball smashed into the back of his head. Stumbling, the bonobo growled and snapped around. But he saw nothing except Caesar and Cornelius laughing by their snow-ape.

"Really!?" Koba said, "Caesar how old!?"

Alarmed, Caesar looked to him, confusion on his (stupidly) charming face. _"What are you talking about,"_ he signed. That actually infuriated Koba more, so he dropped down and scooped up his own ball of snow, twice the size of what had been thrown at him, and tossed it straight at Caesar's face. The chimp fell on his back, offended. Flaring in rage, Caesar immediately popped back up, shook the snow off, and said, "Why!?"

"You know why!"

" _Koba_ how old?!"

Before the ape could respond, Caesar had already gathered a whole onslaught of snowballs into his arms with the teacup's help. And was mercilessly pelting Koba with them. Defenseless, Koba could only shield himself with an arm as he scrambled for cover. He ended up sliding behind a stone gargoyle (which unfortunately looked a lot like himself) as Caesar chased behind him. When the chimp neared, Koba threw his own clump of snow at him.

"Take that!" the bonobo cried, "And that! And that!"

Then Caesar was the the one running away, each snowball leaving trails of white on his coat. Fueled with adrenaline and a funny sort of glee, Koba ran after him, hooting in victory. But it was a trap. When he thought he had the chimp cornered, Caesar turned around and slammed what had to be the biggest pile of snow Koba had ever seen onto him. Bulldozing his way through the cold, Koba grappled until he had Caesar by the arm, and they both went down together, tumbling and pant-hooting for no real reason.

Half buried in snow, they lay by each other, heads almost touching, and laughed. Koba hadn't heard himself laugh in so long- it sounded terribly strange, but he liked the feeling. He preferred the sound of Caesar laughing, though, and only then did he realize the chimp had never laughed until now. And in a dizzy moment, Koba pressed his head against Caesar's. The chimp didn't back away.

On the rooftop, a blue-eyed teacup and a duster looked on. Because they were the ones who threw that snowball at Koba.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Rodman chimp's absence did not go unnoticed in Muir Village. Countless apes and a few humans had stopped by the house to ask Will where Caesar had gone. And when he told them the truth, they looked at him as if he'd finally become a mad scientist and left. That thoroughly angered him, because just what was so hard to believe about the fact that his adopted son had been abducted by an ugly bonobo hiding in a haunted castle in the middle of the woods with a blinking teacup?

Needless to say, Will hadn't had a good day's sleep since leaving Caesar behind. It was all stress and worry and stress some more. Also lots of lashing out and crying. Even Charles and Caroline couldn't console him. He'd tried to go back to the woods and find Caesar again, but they'd just dragged him back and confined him to his room. True, he'd caught a bad cold out there and maybe he was a little delirious in his ravings, but Will knew what he saw to be true.

"Where's this castle?" Malcolm had asked in worry, a hiker's backpack already strapped on, "I'll go find him for you!"

Then Buck had placed himself in front of Malcolm, strategically blocking the human from view, and signed, _"No, I will. Buck loves Caesar more."_

Then the Colonel had somehow dropped from a tree and landed on Buck, Preacher at his side. McCullough saluted and said, "Rodman, can you trust any of these people? No, no you can't. I'm the only one who can fix this."

"Colonel," Will said, "you have to believe me! There's this monster in the woods and-"

"Gun's already out." The Colonel cocked his pistol. "I'll get that monkey back. None of these other apes are much to look at, anyway. But I've got a condition, Rodman."

"He's got a condition, Rodman," Preacher repeated.

 _"Get off me,"_ Buck signed. He was ignored.

"We get your monkey back," the Colonel said, slow for dramatic emphasis, "he comes home... with me."

"For the last time!" Malcolm fumed, "he's a chimpanzee!"

He was ignored too. But Will couldn't help paling when he realized what the Colonel meant. Was he really going to sell off his own son like this? But what choice did he have? While he pondered these moral dilemmas, Malcolm was making a pretty convincing case beside them.

"-And the Colonel is a pervert," the man ranted, "arrogant, selfish, violent- he's the last person Caesar would ever want to be with-"

Preacher elbowed him and said, "Take that back! The Colonel's a good man!"

"All of you, shut up!" Will snapped. Then, calming down, he looked at the Colonel with bloodshot eyes. "Okay, please, just save him."

McCullough broke out into a crooked grin, while Buck and Malcolm stared on in horror.

* * *

Unaware that he was now effectively betrothed to the narcissistic Colonel who wanted to keep him in a cage, Caesar was currently shifting inside Luca's wardrobe. Rocket was grappling with him, tearing that sweater off (and honestly, Rocket had hated the thing from the first time he laid eyes upon it). When Luca opened his doors and spat them out, Caesar rolled to a stop on the floorboards until he came to a mirror.

"What is this?" the chimp said, looking at the green jumpsuit they'd stacked him in, black boots and gloves moving about, "how is this better than before?"

It looked like a prison outfit at worst, and a weird soldier's uniform at best.

 _"You look good,"_ Maurice signed, to Cornelia's enthusiastic nod.

OK. Caesar didn't want to argue with the staff any more. Rocket was already blaming him for wasting precious preparation time. Apparently Koba had requested they dine together for the night, and it required fancier apparel. Caesar's argument was that they dined together every night, and he was under the impression Koba disliked clothes of any sort. But again and again, that bonobo surprised him.

Said bonobo was also getting ready, with the help of Lake, the teacups, and Bad Ape. Actually, the whole thing had been Maurice's idea, and now the plan had been pinned on his shoulders. Lake insisted Koba bathe beforehand, so he was now shaking his hair dry and watching it puff out like a cat's. Bad Ape laid out his favorite fur skin, a bear pelt with the head still attached. And the teacups were helping him appear friendly before the mirror (which Koba hated).

 _"Smile!"_ Blue Eyes insisted, using little jumps to convey his words, _"Koba should smile."_

Koba grinned, and he swore that mirror cracked on the spot. Also, Bad Ape screamed. So that was the end of that.

* * *

To be honest, Caesar had been hungry from the start of the whole wardrobe session and it'd taken so long that he was truthfully no longer hungry by the time Maurice had ushered him to the dining room. But the servants seemed so enthusiastic about supper that he didn't have the heart to tell them the truth. Koba was already at the table by the time Caesar arrived, seated at the very end, and looking... nervous?

It was obvious that the bonobo had attempted some form of grooming, since his fur appeared far less tangled, and even his pelt looked washed. Even his perpetual frown wasn't quite there. He actually looked rather decent, and if it wasn't for all those scars, Caesar would venture to call him a handsome ape- well, handsome in his own way. But more surprising than Koba's appearance was the silverware by their dishes. Actual silverware. Forks, and spoons, and knives.

"Thought Koba didn't like forks," Caesar said as he took his seat.

Koba only grunted, irritation crossing his features again. Now, that was the Koba he knew.

"Caesar talk too much," the bonobo grumbled eventually.

Well, the chimp admitted he did enjoy speaking- despite the extra effort, he found it convenient. He signed all this out to Koba, and all the bonobo did was chuckle at him.

 _"Was joke,"_ the other ape signed.

Well, Caesar had never been a very funny chimp anyway. He decided to just focus on the food now, expecting some glorified soup. Instead, he found himself staring at Rocket, the candelabra sitting on the center of the table, acting as candlelight. It might have set a romantic mood if Rocket wasn't the actual candle.

"Rocket, why are you here?" he asked.

Rocket ignored him, because he was dedicated to his job. Luckily, Maurice and Bad Ape began serving dinner at that moment to distract from the awkwardness. It was mostly fresh game, plated fruit, and what was apparently cocktail shrimp. And they tasted rather decent, given the fact that they were prepared by furniture. There were a few mishaps along the way, like Bad Ape spilling wine on Caesar's head, or Rocket sneezing on the turkey. But neither Koba nor his "guest" reacted much to it.

Until the soup. Spoons were no problem for Caesar, but Koba had always hated the things. And in the end, he had to resort to slurping up his soup and making an undignified mess on his end of the table. Koba finished his bowl and met Caesar's smug eyes, the ends of the chimp's mouth forming a subtle smirk.

"Don't laugh," Koba told him.

 _"I'd never,"_ the chimp signed.

After some misshapen banana cake and tea (courtesy of Cornelia), Maurice returned to clear the table. At this point, Caesar couldn't hold it in anymore, so he asked, "Koba, why do this?"

The bonobo hesitated. "Wanted... you." And before Caesar could jump to any conclusions, Koba quickly added, "Wanted you happy. Here."

Koba was starting to look flustered, embarrassed almost, to Caesar's amusement. But he didn't have time to dwell any longer on that, because Koba hopped down and ran past him, dragging Caesar away by the arm, as if he was in a hurry to get out of the dining room. They nearly bumped into Bad Ape along the way, and didn't stop until they pushed past the doors of what Caesar assumed was a ballroom.

"Shortcut," Koba said, "this way."

"Wait, I want to see this." Caesar slipped out of the bonobo's grip and scanned the room, a little taken by the architecture. The ceiling was high and the walls were intricately painted, definitely human-made. But what stood out to him were the amount of ape and human shapes coexisting in the patterns. This was exactly what Muir was based on, and predated the war. And the fact that Koba had maintained the room told him some part of the bonobo really didn't detest humanity that much.

"Caesar, come," Koba urged, again taking the chimp's arm.

"Wait, look!"

Now Caesar was distracted by the chandelier, apparently made of bone, and it wasn't a servant-turned-light fixture either. Then Koba was tugging at him again, now sweeping the chimp the other way. Annoyed, Caesar turned and tried to wriggle away. Koba didn't let go, and ended up dipping Caesar down, only to have the chimp step back and steer him off. They tugged and pulled at each other until they'd passed the whole room, struggling to take control.

Watching from the corner of the room, Cornelia puffed to her companions, _"Look, they're waltzing!"_

 _"How cute,"_ Lake replied.

Blue Eyes jumped a few times to get his words across: _"But they're so bad at it."_

Eventually, Koba and Caesar made it out of the ballroom, still arm in arm and bickering in annoyed hoots. Koba was the first to break away, nervously running past another set of doors and beckoning Caesar in. The chimp was in the middle of another series of angry noises when he entered, but those protests died as soon as he saw what Koba was so eager to show. Wide-eyed, Caesar stared up at shelf upon shelf of yellowing books, far more than the library at Muir (and far more diverse than all the science books at Will's house, let alone the attic).

Koba began climbing up a ladder to reach the highest bookcase. He held out a hand in the chimp's direction. Unsure what to do now, Caesar took it and was promptly pulled up by the bonobo. They ended up sitting side by side on the ladder's rungs, again descending into awkward silence. When they weren't arguing or mocking each other, that seemed to be the only thing they did. And it frustrated Caesar to not know why- even the Colonel had never frustrated him the way Koba had. He wondered if Koba felt the same, and it annoyed him to even care what Koba thought of him.

"Do you," Koba started, slow and anxious, "like it?"

"It's beautiful," Caesar said truthfully.

"Yours now."

"What do you mean?"

Koba gave him a look that said, _why is Caesar so stupid?_ But the bonobo bit his tongue and signed, _"What's Koba's, is Caesar's."_

"All this?" the chimp near gasped in surprise.

"Give, to you."

"Why?"

Extremely slow, and very uncharacteristically gentle, the bonobo put a hand under Caesar's chin, fingers pointed up just enough to tilt the chimp's head towards him. Caesar looked straight at Koba and for the first time, saw what looked like tenderness in that one eye. And a dash of hope that reminded Caesar of a sad puppy.

"Want Caesar to," the bonobo said, obviously scared, "stay. Here, with Koba."

"Koba, I-"

Stay here? His mind blank and overcome with panic (and a rush of decidedly very unscientific emotions), Caesar backed away, regretting the look of hurt flashing through Koba's eye. But the chimp couldn't control himself- for all his smarts, he really did feel like a dumb animal now.

"I'm sorry!"

With that, Caesar clambered down, quickly running out of the library and nearly losing a boot in the process. Koba watched him leave, and alone, let his shoulders slump.

* * *

Still hacking and coughing germs left and right, Will lead the Colonel and his troop of men through the Red Woods in the morning. McCullough was tall and proud as always on his horse, and Preacher was staring up in admiration by his side. His men included fellow soldiers and two gorillas, one named Red (who, according to Buck, had somehow managed to betray every single person in the entire village in the span of one week; Will didn't press on) and an albino named Winter (who really looked like he didn't want to be there). Buck and Malcolm tagged along too, not to be outdone by McCullough.

Caroline was walking alongside Will, quite sure he had lost his mind. But the scientist kept going, determined to find that castle.

"We've been walking in circles, Rodman," the Colonel said, nudging Will with the bunt of his rifle, "I don't waste time."

"Maybe Caesar dead," Red added bitterly. Will knew not everyone would miss his chimp; in fact, some would rather Caesar stay out in the woods- it made finding mates a lot easier, and there'd be less rejections all around. What Red in particular had against him, though, Will didn't know.

 _"Shut up,"_ Buck signed.

"So here's the plan, when we find this fucker," the Colonel went on, "we'll shoot him dead on the spot. He'll be more than dead actually. I'll skin him alive and wear his head for the wedding. You'll get to be the witness, Rodman."

And just as the last word left the man's mouth, a wolf jumped at Preacher. "Colonel, save me!"

The Colonel didn't save him.

Will and the others watched in horror as Preacher was knocked to the ground by a snarling wolf. The younger man grappled and screamed until he finally pulled out an arrow and stabbed the beast to death. Then the whole pack descended, and the soldiers were promptly occupied with fending off wild wolves. Will made to run away, Caroline pulling him along, when the Colonel tugged him up by the collar and threw him over his horse.

"No, you don't, Rodman! This is your fault- I'm not some fool!"

"I didn't know-"

"Turn back!" McCullough barked, "we're going back to Muir and I'm getting everyone out here. I don't like losing, Rodman, I don't like it at all."

"Kerna!" Red cried, "girl gone!"

The Colonel looked at the direction Red pointed, where Caroline had escaped with Buck. He narrowed his eyes. "Unimportant," he said.

* * *

As it turned out, Caroline was the smartest person in the lot, so it took her no time at all to find the cursed castle, Buck at her side. It was exactly as Will described. She and Buck ran to the doors in the middle of heavy snow, determined to gain some sort of alliance. If Caesar was in there, surely he'd be concerned about his father's fate, and if that monstrous ape was in there too, Caroline was sure he wouldn't want to be eviscerated by an angry mob.

And so, she had Buck pound and cry at the doors while she called, "Hello! Caesar, are you in there? It's Caroline! Will's in trouble- the Colonel's taken him! We have to go save him!"

Eventually, the door did open a fraction... by a walking grandfather clock no less. Shocked by the sight, Caroline almost slipped, if she hadn't been caught by Buck.

 _"Who are you?"_ it signed warily.

 _"Caesar's mate,"_ Buck signed back, with confidence.

"We're just friends with him," Caroline corrected, "but I'm like a mother to him. Please, we need to see him."

The doors closed. For a long time. And just when the pair was ready to give up, they opened again. Standing before them was an all too familiar chimp.

"Where's Will?" Caesar asked grimly.

* * *

 _"Are you sure about this?"_ Maurice signed, _"Master, you would let him go?"_

Koba sat along the window ledge, looking past the glass and down at Caesar reuniting with the newcomers. He saw the gorilla embrace him first, then the woman do the same.

"What about curse?" Bad Ape asked.

The bonobo didn't answer. Instead, he dismissed the servants with a faint sign, _"I was stupid. You can go."_

It wasn't far from the truth. He had no desire to keep Caesar from his human parent. It didn't seem right- he snorted; when had Prince Koba ever cared about what was right? He knew the staff had hoped Caesar would free them all from this curse, that he'd be the one to break it and change Koba for the better. In some way, maybe he had. Koba pressed his forehead to the window, pretending Caesar was on the other side. But the chimp and his companions were long gone.

Koba didn't know if he had ever moved Caesar at all in their time together, if there was ever a chance of that ape falling for him. The household's plan had failed spectacularly. Because in the end, it was Koba who had fallen in love with the handsome chimp. He'd fallen hard and the bonobo was sure he'd only fall for him more.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and I hope that was worth waiting for!**

 **One more chapter to go and this utter crackfest ends. A bit of a downer in this chapter, but next one should wrap everything up for the better. Also, I admit this whole thing was written as my bizarre way of coping with the way these movies ended- at least in this AU, everyone's alive and Caesar's greatest worry is having too many suitors, and not... everything else lol.**


	5. Chapter 5

**It's been a while, everyone! I'm so sorry for how ridiculously long this update took- a lot was going on in real life, and writer's block didn't help either. But I do want to finish this and I want to thank you all again for supporting this little piece of crack. I wasn't sure if this would be on hiatus or not, but I got inspired to do an update and we're back on track with finishing this story.**

 **Thank you to everyone who's been patient and understanding about this- you guys are the MVPs' and what gave me the drive to continue!**

 **Bob: Thank you for the kind words! I apologize for the long wait.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the pota movies**

* * *

Muir Village was in chaos by the time Caesar returned, and given the fact that Muir was populated with literal apes, that was saying a lot. Chimps were screeching left and right, and humans were bouncing up and down, everyone either holding a torch or rolling pin or pitchfork. Then there was the tank sitting in the middle of the village square, Mayor Dreyfus yelling at the town from inside. Caroline took one look and shook her head.

 _"What happened?"_ Caesar signed to Buck.

 _"Must be the Colonel,"_ Buck answered.

Caesar frowned (more). Caroline and Buck had told him about Will's situation on the way, and it wasn't ideal to say the least. So he'd expected a ruckus around it, but not this big a ruckus. Where even was Will? He was pulled from his thoughts when a familiar grey head bumped into him.

"Caesar!" Charles said, "you're- you're back!"

The chimp returned the old man's embrace, though he wished it would have been on a happier occasion (or at least one that didn't involve the village devolving into stone aged madness). And then a hush seemed to spread through the crowd. All eyes fell on the pair, mutters and whispers every which way.

 _"Caesar! You're alive!"_ Tinker signed, rolling pin waving.

Beside her, a group of enthusiastic bonobos started jumping up and down in delight. Too much delight. Caesar was a little embarrassed.

"The Rodman chimp?" Dreyfus said, "get up here! Look at all the trouble you caused."

"I? Caused?" Caesar questioned, but by then, Buck was already ushering him towards the tank, their path lined with catcalls, or rather, ape calls.

"Get your cheerleaders to calm down," the mayor hissed when Caesar came to a stop.

"They're not my-"

"Never mind. Why do I even bother. You've always been trouble."

Then another head popped up beside Dreyfus, eyes bright with cheer. "Caesar!" Malcolm gasped, "I knew you'd make it back."

Buck lifted the chimp by the shoulders and all but rolled him into the tank, which was a terrible idea in Caesar's opinion. As the two men pulled him down, he heard the crowd call for him, something along the lines of, "Caesar, show us your face!" The village had certainly cracked in the time he was gone, or maybe the people were just bored without their most eligible bachelor around.

"Malcolm, what's happening?" Caesar asked, huddling closer to the mayor and teacher.

"It's McCullough," Malcolm said, "he went looking for you with Will. They were attacked by wolves and now the Colonel wants the whole village to go."

"But I'm back now. They should _not_ do this."

"Exactly," Dreyfus said, "they're all so trigger-happy. Your father said a monster's lurking in the woods and looks like McCullough believes him. So he's rounding this angry mob to go kill it."

Caesar's breath stopped. _Koba_. There was only one "monster" in the Red Woods; Koba was surly, violent, a little deranged, but he wasn't a monster. He was made of flesh and blood and as vulnerable as anyone Caesar had ever met. And Koba was- he and Koba- maybe there was- but Koba- and Caesar- and-

"Who's Koba?" Malcolm asked, a little too loud.

Caesar wondered if he said all that out loud.

"You did," Dreyfus commented, "don't talk in the third person. It's weird."

Changing the subject, Caesar asked, "Where's my father?"

"That's what we need to talk about. The Colonel's locked him up. He's preparing to march tonight and you're the only one who can talk to him."

"But we should go together," Malcolm said, "because- Caesar!"

The chimp didn't bother listening to the rest of what Malcolm had to say. He hopped out of the tank, pushed past Buck and Carolyn and that entire crowd, and dove straight to the front of their forming mob.

"Colonel!" he cried, "Colonel!"

One gorilla turned around to look at him with bitter contempt- Red. "What you want?"

The chimp drew himself to his full height, which wasn't much compared to Red, and growled, "I want. My father."

As they snarled at one another, a calmer voice cut between: "I've missed you."

The Colonel made his way over, a rifle strapped to his back and a rifle in his hands, sunglasses still on even though it was night. Caesar had told him it was stupid and pointless to wear shades at night and McCullough had told him his little simian brain could never understand the importance of sunglasses at night. Preacher was at the Colonel's side, as always, crossbow ready.

"Hey! He's not dead yet," Preacher said, offended, "Colonel, sir, do we still need to fight the monster now?"

"Of course we do! That creature made a fool of me and I don't appreciate pranks."

"Colonel," Caesar said, "take me to Will."

"Not even a hello?" the Colonel said, amused, "this whole army's here for you, you know?"

He put a hand on the chimp's shoulder and squeezed. "And what's with this little uniform here? I'd like to assume you prettied yourself up to meet me."

"Where's Will?"

"So stubborn! Well, that's what I like about you, monkey. I'll take you to him after we kill that monster as a wedding gift."

Wedding gift? Stupefied, Caesar only stared back, green eyes blinking and the confusion evident on his face.

"Oh, forgive me. Forgot nobody told you. Rodman promised I could have you if I got rid of the beast."

 _"He would not."_

"But he did. Tell him, Preacher!"

Preacher marched up to Caesar's face and said, "He did! Do you want me to say it louder, Colonel?"

"No, that was good."

This was all too much to take in. And mind exploding, Caesar leaped onto McCullough's chest, grabbed the Colonel's collar and prepared to throttle him as he shouted, "No! No! No! You will not have me! You will not harm Will! _You will not harm Koba!_ "

Before Preacher could aim one of his arrows, Red and Winter appeared from behind and dragged Caesar off. They thrust him to the ground and kept him pinned as the Colonel smoothed his roughed shirt.

"I love it when you play hard to get," he said dryly. "It's going to be fun at the wedding. I'm going to rip you apart in front of everyone, and they'll finally know- Caesar is mine."

"You're mad," the chimp hissed.

McCullough smiled and stroked Caesar's head. "No, _I'm right_. And who's Koba? The monster? Don't tell me you've fallen for him."

"If you hurt him, Colonel, I'll-"

"I won't hurt him. I'm going to cut his head off. It's going to be at our wedding."

Then, eye to eye, the man said, low, "I don't like your tone. You're making me jealous of this 'Koba.' So let's start the rest of our lives tonight."

He stood up, grinned, and said, "Red, Winter, teach him a lesson. Feel free to break a rib or two- just leave his lovely eyes alone. And then we'll let our favorite Rodmans reunite. _I_ have a monster to kill."

* * *

It was near midnight when Maurice and his staff were jolted from their duties as everyday furniture. Blue Eyes had heard it first: the distant sound of stomping feet and what sounded like gunshots. When he warned everyone else, Cornelia had taken to the window and puffed a large amount of smoke when she noticed the gleam of fire in the distance. Then Rocket had peered in, followed by Luca, Lake, Blue Eyes, Bad Ape, and little Cornelius.

"What's happening?" the book gasped.

Rocket folded his candles. _"Don't know. But I'm glad they're not coming for us,"_ he signed.

 _"They're coming this way,"_ Maurice answered.

 _"They're just passing through."_

Maurice knew denial when he saw it. And the candelabra was deep in denial. As the crowd got nearer, he could see the bloodlust on their faces. A man was at the head, apparently wearing sunglasses at night, and shouting-

"Kill. The. Beast?" Bad Ape mouthed. "Oh no!"

 _"Are we going to die?"_ Blue Eyes asked.

Half the staff said "yes." And the other half said "no." Rocket was still in denial. And try as he might to find him, Maurice could not see Koba anywhere; it was as if the bonobo had disappeared. Koba had been brooding all day, and this angry mob looked like the perfect chance for him to throw himself to the wolves, so to speak. Maurice could not let that happen, because he did care deeply for the prince, and also because he was sure that if Koba died, so would the rest of them. And he could not let that happen either.

 _"Tonight,"_ the clock signed, _"we defend the castle."_

"Do we have to?" Bad Ape said.

* * *

Meanwhile, Caesar finally reunited with Will, or more accurately, was tossed into a cage where Will happened to be after Red and Winter literally beat the snot out of him. They did not, however, actually break a rib or two, likely because they forgot about that order. They also forgot to leave his eyes alone so one "lovely" green eye was now black as a pea.

"Sorry!" Winter cried.

"Sorry we not kill you!" Red snarled in return.

And as the two of them left, Caesar heard Winter say, "That's not what I meant!" before Red scared him into shutting up. Groaning, the chimp rolled onto his side and shook the stars from his head. When he looked up, he saw a pallid Will hacking his lungs out.

"Father!"

Will put a hand on his face and tears running, put his brow against Caesar's own. "I thought I lost you," the man muttered.

"Me too."

They embraced, and though it was nice to feel like he was three years old again, Caesar knew he had other matters to attend to. Looking quite forlorn, he gently pulled from Will's grip and signed, _"Father, I'm sorry."_

"For what? Caesar-"

"I have to go."

"Wh- what?"

 _"Colonel going to Koba. Will kill him. Will kill his servants. I need to save them."_

"Caesar, can you say that out loud? Did- did you just tell me you want to save _Koba_?"

"Yes. I need to help Koba."

"The scarred ape? The one that tore us apart? That crazy son of a-"

"Father, I love him."

Will's jaw dropped. It felt good for Caesar to say out loud, but it was actually quite embarrassing saying something like that to his father. It also didn't help that Will was looking at him like he'd lost his marbles. Which, Caesar admitted, he probably did. But instead of berating him, as Will no doubt wanted to, the man took his hand in his own, and said, "Alright. You love Koba. Alright. I'll have to let you go some day... I didn't think it'd be like this though."

 _Neither did I._

"But when you come back, we'll have to talk. I have a lot of issues about this Caesar. You and Koba both- I have a lot to say."

For a moment, Caesar had almost forgotten Will was a such a nerd. But Will was _his_ nerd. So he smiled and nodded. Then he looked to the cage door. He had Will's permission now. But getting out was another matter.

"Do you really love Koba?" Malcolm asked.

Father and son both jumped at the noise. Malcolm was leaning against the bars, twirling a key in his hand, and looking quite sad.

"How long were you there?" Will said.

"Long enough... Caesar, if what you said's true, I'll help you."

"It was. Please!"

Malcolm rather reluctantly unlocked the door before Caesar helped Will step out. The chimp wrapped one of Will's arms around Malcolm's shoulder and pressed his own forehead against the teacher's own.

"Thank you, my friend."

"Any time... _friend_."

And no more time to lose, Caesar galloped off, leaving Will to awkwardly stand with Malcolm, who for all intents and purposes, had just been friendzoned by his son.

* * *

Koba had spent the majority of the night on the rooftop, doing what he did best- brooding. He usually liked to wallow in self pity; in fact, it was one of his few hobbies in life, right next to hunting bears and terrifying humans. But this time, despite the horrible hole in his heart and the realization that he was destined to be alone and unredeemed, he actually didn't feel all that sorry for himself. True, he was sorry that he missed (?) his chance with Caesar, but he was sorrier still that he'd let the staff down and that it had taken him this long to admit he felt for the chimp.

He was sorry for all the stupid things he'd done around Caesar, all the cruel words he'd spouted, and every other piece of abuse he'd hurled the other ape's way. And he was sorriest of all that he hadn't realized he was wrong sooner. His only comfort now was that the chimp had parted with him on clean terms- hopefully, Caesar would remember the last evening they shared and whatever kindnesses Koba had given him too late.

That chimp's wretched face and his cruel beautiful eyes were going to haunt Koba forever. When he closed his eyes (that one that worked anyway), he could still see Caesar chuckling in the snow, could still see him doing chores about the kitchen, could see him reading a book by Koba's bed. And the bonobo dearly missed every silly argument they'd had.

Something crunched behind him.

Eyes shooting open, Koba spun around and all but gasped, "Caesar?"

And a cocking rifle pointed him in the face. McCullough smirked, those shades slipping just enough to reveal a set of icy eyes. "So you're Koba? Even uglier than I thought you'd be."

"Who. Are. You?" the bonobo snarled.

"They call me the Colonel. And once you're gone, Caesar's mine."

Roaring, Koba pounced at him. The gun went off.

* * *

 _"It's bananas in here!"_ Lake signed, unaware of the pun she'd made.

"They're not passing through," Rocket replied, no longer in denial.

And true to Lake's statement, the castle was currently being turned inside out by a sizable mob of humans and apes. They stormed any ground they could, bringing torches and all manners of makeshift weapons to the table, including a rolling pin. Luca used his wardrobe abilities to form a barrier on the staircase and Cornelia's puffs, fanned with the help of Blue Eyes, somehow managed to keep a good number of people lost in smoke. Maurice coordinated the rest of them into a charge, mostly involving having Rocket and Lake take turns throwing Cornelius and Bad Ape at everyone's heads.

Cornelius loved it. But Bad Ape had shouted, "Oh no!" at least a hundred times already. All things considered, the staff was doing pretty good. That, or the mob was not doing very good.

One soldier was shooting arrows at Maurice, and each time the grandfather clock would deflect the weapon with a cushion. Pretty soon, that soldier ran out of arrows.

"I can't hold the fort anymore!" he said in frustration, "Colonel, what do we do now?!"

He turned. "Colonel?"

The soldier looked everywhere, appearing more and more like a little boy who'd just lost his best friend. His expression reminded Maurice a little of Koba's from the day before. The clock felt bad for him, but not bad enough not to let him get hit in the head with Bad Ape's book cover.

 _"Maurice!"_

"Friend come back!" Bad Ape cried.

And lo and behold, Caesar suddenly stood in the doorway, in the middle of all the chaos, a nice black shiner on his eye and his outfit (which had looked so pristine the day before) covered in mud. He actually still looked good, and Maurice had no idea why, but he didn't have time to ask.

 _"Caesar! Why did you come back?"_

"Where's Koba!?" Nobody knew. Then Caesar grabbed the fallen soldier and shaking him, asked, "Where's the Colonel?"

"I don't know!"

Caesar dropped him with a hard thud, and looked towards the west wing. In all the commotion, McCullough must have slipped away to personally kill the "beast." And it made his blood run cold. Caesar ran in that direction, ignoring the furniture's questions, and shouting Koba's name all the while.

 _"What's his problem?"_ Rocket asked, before a chimp named Tinker assaulted him with a rolling pin.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **I wanted to finish this story this chapter, but I'm doing that next update instead (and the wait will not be this long next time). I really wanted to get this update out for all of you following it!**


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